Savoring Each Day

The days are full. 

The remodel is constantly requiring adjusting one's daily schedule to deal with workers coming and going, discussion with the two key contractors, and various follow-up activities. 

As we need to replenish funds from the remodel project and fund on-going travel, I've been in a more active business mode than I've been for quite some time. So there are meetings as I work the network to drum up new clients. 

Theodora and Rotary continue progress at a steady pace. Both need on-going attention to get them to a next level, but neither are requiring huge amounts of time and effort either. 

I have doing various interesting cooking things (like my recent poached eggs) that pique my creative curiosity. I find myself in a mode of continuous improvement attitude, trying to refine and improve things I've been cooking for a long time. 

The Book (or I should say Books), my fantasy writing, has undergone a complete 180. After the six year ordeal, book #6 in the series completed and I have suddenly reentered a period of intense creativity. I am furiously (well as furious as and hour and a half of work a night can be!) outlining all the aspects of book #7. In fact, I am thinking there is so much material that I may need to structure it into two books.

And I am in HAPPY TRAVEL PLANNING mode. We threw together a minimalist little trip in May to Sweden once we knew Wife was healthy. (It's going to be three weeks. I've told a lot of people that for those who know Wife and I well, this is like a weekend trip LOL!)  I really didn't have time to do much planning and because of the lead short time, we got hammered on the airfare. But, then I shifted my focus to our big Fall Spain trip. You may remember that we've already booked the same apartment in El Campello for the same month as we had last year. Here I have done the kind of travel planning job I expect of myself.

• First, we scored a really good airfare to Europe.
• Second, based on how I've scheduled our arrival departure, I think we are going to get an equally killer deal on a rental car for the whole time.
• I've found a really good Airbnb for a short stay in Bilbao.

So, yes, I'm pleased and excited about all this.

Last night as I was contemplating all this, I remembered where my head was in December in the full throes of Wife's blood clot incident. All the thoughts that maybe our life would be permanently altered as happens as one ages. So to be back in this space as before is not something I take for granted. It is something I am determined to enjoy and savor each and every day.

The 'Great Feeling' In Action

Not even two week ago I wrote about how great I was feeling about he new year. If anything, that feeling is expanding and growing. I won't say every single moment of every single day is a high, but the overall sense that things are going as they should be, that good things are going to happen is unfolding day-by-day. 

I've been working very hard in my spiritual practices to focus on trust and gratitude. It has been an interesting practice. For the longest time I have been a believer and practitioner of 'visioning'. This is the creation of detailed pictures or word descriptions of what you really want to achieve in all aspects of your life. It has been a very positive thing for me. I've shared it with many others and they've also had positive results. But for some reason, it feels that is not what I should be doing now. What feels right is to NOT vision, but to just TRUST. And that's what I'm doing. 

The house remodel is finally, with a quickening pace starting to come together. We are hoping to actually start construction sometime toward the end of March!

I finished the Book. Segment Six. Typed the words 'The End' after finishing the last chapter after five long years.

I am getting leads on really interesting (and potentially high paying) new business. My existing clients are doing well and lots of fun to work with. 

Wife is definitely feeling better and better. We are going to forego any travel for now. Make sure she is really healed, and focus our energies on getting the house project done.

Theodora received a nice big donation from an ongoing donor that will allow us to finally get the computers we've needed and into a better office environment. 

I am off to Ghana tomorrow and will have a lot to write about from there. 

So while the outside world goes to hell, my personal world seems to just be growing and prospering. I don't understand it. But I trust in what is happening and am filled with gratitude.

50

 The number of years Wife and I have been married as of today. 

Sounds like a lot.

It is a lot! It's a half a century.

A century, a hundred years is a lot. So a half century certainly must be a least close to a lot. 

When I reflect on all that has taken place in Wife and my lives over the last 50 years, I know it is a lot!

So why doesn't if feel like a lot?

I can go through all the component pieces that make up the 50. There's a lot! Highs. Lows. Ups. Downs. Passion. Anger. Frustration. Contentment. Good health. Bad health. Feeling comfortable. Feeling on edge. Are we going to make it. Yes, we're going to make it. 

I have never over-romanticized marriage. A 'successful' marriage requires a LOT of work. 

I can go over all the events. We lived here. We lived there. We had money. We had no money. The children were doing well. The children were in crisis. We were doing well. We were in crisis. We traveled. we built. We moved. We worked here. We worked there. We were fired. We were hired. Just thinking about it makes my head ache because it is A LOT.

So, as Wife and I celebrate having actually made it to 50, I ask again, why doesn't if feel like a lot?

The answer, I think, is the focus on living in the now and being sure your are fully focused on the now, this very moment, as being most important. 

We are in California with the #1's to celebrate the occasion. We've done a number of things, one of which was a cocktail party so they could introduce us to many of their friends they've talked to us over the years but whom we've never met. Included in the guests were some contemporaries, age-wise, of Wife and I. And I noted in their conversation, how much was focused on looking backward. They were making comments about how life goes by in the blink of an eye, how you think you have all this time, but then you become older and it's all over...in the blink of an eye.

I don't feel that way. My life did not go by in the blink of an eye. It was a long, long journey filled with A LOT. But it doesn't feel like a lot because my focus is on now, fully on what is now, living in what is now, committing myself to what is now. And I have A LOT going on right now! So my life is full, and busy, and exciting, and scary, and fun, and frustrating, and all those other components that made up the previous 50 years. 

50 represents a lot. 

But what's important is NOW.

Persevrance And Calm

This has been a year of frustration with Theodora Africa. One the one hand, our young women continue to advance beyond anything I would have imagined when we started. Their capability, commitment, and personal growth advance. On the other hand, we are not where I had hoped to be financially when we started the year. It has required much more  personal effort and enerby as a result especially over the last half of the year. There is so much potential. Yet, it is hard, at times to not get discouraged. 

As chance would have it, I recently started reading an account of the Wright Brothers history of developing manned heavier than air flight by one of my favorite authors, David McCullough. It is a fascinating tale of incredible perseverance in the face of setbacks, lack of funds, skepticism, and sometimes, outright ridicule. Yet, the combination of determination and skill ultimately won out. 

This led me to thinking of so many other stories of the accomplishments. Rarely, almost never, is the path to accomplishment smooth, without setbacks, without frustrations. 

I need to take these lessons to heart. I need to embrace the challenges and the frustrations as the price of accomplishment. Perseverance and calm. Those must be my companions. I know this will succeed. I simply need to have the patience and the fortitude to allow it.

OM - Returning To The State Of Quiet

 We are again in the time of craziness.

The world is coming to an end.

     The pandemic rages

        All around you are infected

            Hide! Runaway! Flee!

                Find a cave. Block the entrance. Shit! Forgot to put in food and water.

Ignore all that is around you.

    Party like nothing is wrong

        Go into the room with tens of others and spew all you microbe filled water particles

            As you laugh talk and have a good time

                Nothing could possibly happen to YOU

It is time to seek the quiet within.

    What will be will be

        Seek to live and not to kill oneself by imposed isolation

            But be smart. Observe. Seek the way of reduced risk 

Live but be smart

OM

Becoming The Game Player

 Simon Sinek in his recent book, The Infinite Game, talks about how in many aspects of life (but especially business and politics) people act as if they are part of a game, but a game that has winners and losers. He posits this is a grave misunderstanding of how life unfolds. He makes the case that the game is in fact infinite, that it never ends, that there is no winner or loser, only the act of trying to get better and better, serving more and more.

Coming back from my recent trip to Ghana with all the stress that was associated with it, I've recognized that I am really burnt out. That makes sense. Since committing to this in 2019, I have been driving and driving to get it to a point where either we could see it have a chance of succeeding or not. Definitely a 'win or lose' type of mentality. But at the same time, a number of things have taken place that have put the whole venture in a different light. 

Whereas when we started, it was about "Can something like this even be done?", the last five months have brought to light not only can it be done, but the concept represents an opportunity to do things on much, much greater scale. The potential is to create a model that could revolutionize how the intractable problem of unemployment and women's abuse in Africa is handled. (I will go into that discussion in a future post). 

So coming home, realizing I needed a break, I was filled with a feeling I wasn't sure I had the energy ultimately to push the project over the hump to sustainability. This is where (as it has so often in this project) a person provided me with some critical insight. I mentioned my frustrations to the program participant who has been the longest serving. She often serves as a reality check for me. Her comment was very direct. 'Stop worrying. This is meant to be. It will all be fine.'

Wow. What a blessing. This said from one of the people I worry most about serving. It started me on a new train of thought. I realized that if I thought of the project as an 'Infinite Game', I didn't need to worry about if we were 'making it'. I just needed to focus on adding the pieces that were necessary for the 'game' to grow and expand. I don't do computer games but I understand there is a whole genre where you set about to create your own world. I am realizing this is what is happening with the Theodora Project. We are creating our own world. 

It is going to be a long, long process. No doubt longer than I will be around with it. I just need recognize my role in the game. I need to be the one adding the players. Adding to the team that will take the game on and on. And that's happening! I have managers now in Ghana. I have my Boards both in the U.S. becoming more engaged. I have volunteers who are taking significant roles. And I am sure as we go through the search for growth financing, I will find the right economic partner as well. 

We (Wife and I) have our first international trip since the pandemic started coming up in a couple of weeks. I am going with a sense that everything is fine. I just need to be the patient game player, playing the infinite game.

All Hail Monkey Brain The Mighty

 You are all very, very familiar I am sure with the Monkey Brain. You may not call it that. You might call it your sub-conscious. You might just think it is you being you. It is that voice in your head that never, NEVER stops going on and on and on about all the things you should be worried about, concerned about, haven't considered enough about, haven't planned enough about. 

In Yoga, the Monkey Brain is one of the aspects of the play of consciousness that makes us feel separated from the universe. It makes us feel small rather than expanded. Insignificant rather that great. We spend A LOT of time on the yogic path trying to develop the discrimination to just let the Monkey Brain ramble on and not give it energy by focusing attention on it. If you want to know one thing that will disturb your peace-of-mind, it is letting yourself get caught up in the pedantic rantings of your Monkey Brain. 

I am happy to say that after many decades of hard spiritual practice that my Monkey Brain is still able to throw moves at me and take me down out of a state of peace. The sages tell us not to let this bother us too much but because the influence of the Monkey Brain is actually one of the hardest of all things to overcome. It is still depressing though after so much work. 

My Monkey Brain has found the perfect, I mean the PERFECT foil to lever me out of internal peace...Traveling Internationally During Covid Times Where Testing (and other things) Are Needed to Get On Planes! Ah yes, what better food for Monkey Brain then having to get a variety of tests and other paperwork done just days before you leave AND hope they show you are not infected.

I just got into Ghana again on Thursday. This is my fourth trip to Ghana since the pandemic. Each one has had its own set of issues associated with getting the testing and paper work write. If you remember last trip, they added a step requiring you to upload your Covid test results to the African CDC and get  QPR code or they wouldn't let you on the plane. This trip's Monkey Brain food was over the Covid Test itself.

First, it took forever to find a resource where I could get the test within the 72 hour period as it was the Labor Day weekend. That got Mr. (or Ms.) Monkey Brain started. I finally got a test at Walgreens that was a 24 hour turnaround which was wonderful. And in fact I got the results back in just a few hours. What I didn't pay close attention to was the specific name of the type of test. If I had, I would have noticed the test was a NAAT test, not the PCR test that is required. Now the Walgreens site says this rapid test is a PCR test. So why it is titled differently, I don't know. The important thing is I don't really pay attention to this until after I am already in route.  

My money saving itinerary has me flying on a domestic ticket to Houston, staying overnight there, and then getting on my international flight which is on a different ticket. I spend a number of hours at the hotel researching what is a NAAT test? What is a PCR test? I find that the PCR uses the NAAT methodology. So a PCR test is a NAAT test. But are all NAAT tests PCR's. Clearly not. Nonetheless I save these pages of discussion to show at the airport if I'm called out on this. Then I find a place only 10 minutes from the airport that does drop in PCR 1 hour result testing. Great, this is my back up plan. IN THE MEANTIME, Monkey Brain is going crazy ranting on all the permutations and all the things that can go wrong, blah, blah, blah.

I get to the airport early in case I am going to have to run out and do the testing again. It is very crowded. A harried agent, dealing with many different flights and requirements, looks at my requirements. He picks out two, neither of which are the Covid test. I have those. He checks me in. What the &@#!*.

I get to Washington Dulles where I get my Ghana flight. I show my docs. He barely glances at the Covid test and sees "NEGATIVE" and that's that.

Thanks Monkey Brain. Thanks for showing me how far I have to go in my spiritual development...which I suppose is just another aspect of Monkey Brain.

 

An Ode To Gratitude

 I am continuing my reading of all my blog posts. I am a bit over halfway through. I started writing in 2007 and I am in the spring of 2015. 

I have been amazed at all the eating, cooking, air travel I did during my pre-transition life. Now I am fully immersed in the second of our great long trips when we went to Istanbul for the first time. I am mildly amazed. My God we have done a crapload of experiences Wife and I. While this Covid-19 thing has us down that we (like everyone) are stuck and we can't get out and do, I am recognizing more and more how much we have actually already done. We truly did not let the opportunity pass us by!

And now I am in the middle of this almost surreal and transformational Theodora Ghana Project. Oh truly Lord let me fall down and bow in humility and give thanks for this incredible ride in life.

How Gratitude Manifests

Lately, I have been very much focused on gratitude. Despite all that is going on with pandemic and dysfunctional society, I know I live a very blessed life.

I am in the process of going through all my old blog posts since 2007, all 2000+ of the them. There is so much that I have forgotten of my life even just a decade ago! It makes me sad I didn't do a diary during my earlier years.

I am in 2011. I have been reading all these posts of epic hikes and epic cooking! Like this one. For a moment I was melancholy. I thought how we no longer would do anything like that now for a whole variety of reasons. But then I remembered that when our cooking/entertaining life ended, our travel life began. And now that we are prohibited from that, I thought of the incredible blessing that has come from working with the women of the Theodora Project.

Truly my life has been blessed with passion. The objects of passion change. But the commitment to and fulfillment from a passion continues.

Joy And Gratitude

A lot of my time...a lot...is being spent helping to get the Theodora Ghana project off the ground. Here is a quick review for those who might not remember or are unfamiliar.

• Theodora Ghana is a venture that is helping women in a developing country (Ghana West Africa) who end up living using sex work (because of a lack of jobs and an abusive culture towards women) to get out of that trap by turning them into virtual personal assistants selling services in the United States.
• This venture went from just an idea in June 2019 to being funded and actually training women and providing services to business owners in June 2020.
• For some reason, God has seen me be his/her vehicle to make this all happen. Because I have no background that would lead one to believe I would be the likely facilitator of all this.
• And despite the program nearly dying before we even started due to the coronavirus pandemic, somehow we are off the ground and making things happen.

One of the immediate results of this is that I spend a lot of time with our women. I work with them on what daughter #3 and development head calls our angel clients - people who will hire our women knowing they are rough and need training but still expect to get something positive for their businesses.

It is coaching and teaching in the most intense and personal manner. It requires spending a lot of time with each individual showing them what they did wrong and in a way that motivates them, not beats them down. 

We have progressed way beyond what I thought they could do to the point where our venture is in serious need of business organization. So today we had the first of what will be a number of business planning sessions. Who would have believed last February when I left, that I would be having a conversation with the women about business planning, about the right way to posture ourselves via internet presence? Not me for sure. I was pretty blown away by how many of the major principles of business the women had a familiarity with. It was a very uplifting and productive session.

I have found this group to be the most rewarding people I have ever coached. They are going to succeed and it will be a blessing that I have had a hand in helping them.  I may be locked up at home. But I have found that working with this group of women has been as uplifting and exciting as anything I have ever done.

And forgive me for being crass...we are still looking to raise donor money to keep the program sound. So if you have anything for donations, you will not just be helping these women but building a program that will help many others escape the trap of sex work.

Unexpected Opportunity...But First R&R

Yet another crazy week in the wild world of de_I's transition state. The week (gad it is not even half-way over with!) started with me getting a call from a dear friend who will be called to protect his identity, THE BENEFACTOR (he and his lovely spouse read this blog).

The BENEFACTOR calls and basically says, "Hey de-I we think this Theodora thing sounds like it could do some good. We would like to give you some money."

Mister Enrique Suave says, "Huh?"

"Dude, what's so hard to understand. I want to give you some money so  you can get this thing going."

Without going into too many gory details, the BENEFACTOR will give us enough (along with some money from Wife and I and a couple of other donations) to actually get this Theodora program off the ground! WTF!!!!

With this realization, I am sent into a state of bliss...for about 30 minutes...when I realize that all the stuff we have talked about in the vaguest of details, now will have to be executed in excruciating detail! Now I am in a state of absolute panic. I dash off a detailed list of all the things we need to deal with to my centers of influence.

And realize that I am exhausted. I mean really drained from the work over this last year. For crying out loud, I went to Ghana in February knowing nobody and only having the vaguest idea of what I might want to do in a county I knew nothing about. And in nine months have gotten a program that has real potential to a point where it is almost launched!

Thank goodness, we already had a 'fun' trip planned. We are leaving next week for Europe. We are going to see a city with Christmas markets, celebrate Christmas with the #3's, and finish up by seeing the Northern Lights in Norway with #2 and 2B. I am so looking forward to two weeks of just unconnected fun.

Now just a word here because I know what I'm going to hear. I am going to hear, "why are you pushing yourself like this? Do you think this is wise to be doing this at your age? Shouldn't you be taking it easier?"

Here is my response...so listen carefully for this is from the deepest part of my heart.

I Could Give A Shit How Long I Live! I want to do. If I want to experience. I want to make a difference. The last thing, THE LAST THING I want is to sit back, watch myself deteriorate and sit there not being able to do anything as I slowly become less and less of who I was.

You know who you are. Don't pass on to me your desire to see me live longer because it is your desire. I don't care. It is not MY DESIRE. I want to do as much as I can and love every moment of doing it. And if that means a shorter lifespan, I am totally cool with that. And you should be too.

Oh To Be Able To Grow!

This whole year with the great Ghana adventure and all that have spun off from it is a miracle in the exercise of personal growth. I have a hard time looking back at this time last year and even imaging all that has taken place.

It isn't the tangible things though those have been substantial. It is personal growth. Just today I got the first cut of our promotional video from our folks in Ghana. It is very rough and we are going to have to redo a lot of it. But that in and of itself is going to be a phenomenal opportunity for growth - my growth, the growth of the women we are working with, the growth of our video people - and just to be able to perceive this - to not look at it as a frustration - as an "oh God we're going to have to do all this extra work" - but to see it as the tremendous opportunity to grow - is such a blessing.

I know I have been using that word a lot in recent posts - Blessing - but you know, that is the state that I am in these days - feeling very blessed.

But back to the theme of this post (Hey it's late and I'm tired. I can ramble a bit!). I cannot think of a more wonderful thing than to be in one's 72nd year and be in a position where one feels he is growing prodigiously. We associate our aging years as a time of atrophy, a time when you have done all you were going to be capable of doing, a time to sit around and tell stories of one's past. To me, that vision sounded like hell on earth. So to be in this position where I feel I am growing, learning, expanding, improving is like being in paradise.

I make no preachings to others. All have their own road to hew. I am just grateful and thankful that I am on this road.

A Fish In An Ocean Of Beauty

Over a long number of years Wife and I have gradually worked on our home and yard. When we bought our home 17 years ago, we did so because of its location close to the mountains. The house was nice but not spectacular.

But Wife had a vision. No that's not right. She had a feeling. It was a feeling that there was a state of beauty that could bring joy and contentment to us. There was no plan to speak of. Just this feeling, and this commitment.

Gradually the change to the environment started. At first small changes at first like skylights and a new fireplace. Then the big, more robust ones. Adding another floor, redoing our kitchen and adding a room that connected our inside and outside. Then redoing our backyard. Each of these changes was done with Wife's eye for beauty, for enhancing our environment. Then there were little enhancements, decorating, getting pictures, certain furniture. Tweaks.

The result beauty. Beauty that surrounds us each day. Beauty that we can see of our world around us seeing the mountains and city that are our home. There is a tendency for things to become commonplace. What was once spectacular now just becomes part of the background. But being part of the background does not mean unappreciated. For us it means that all through the day you are drawn to the beauty. You go by a window and see the spectacular sunset. You eat breakfast and admire the hardscape and landscape. You open the blinds and see the mountains. You walk between rooms and catch the arrangement of the furniture the pictures, the view the sweeps from one room into another.

It's as if beauty has become the entire environment, an environment the enriches and nourishes.

Italia 2017 - An Unexpectedly Rich Haul In The Salento

Welcome to the Salento

 

I can tell you for certain that we were not necessarily expecting a whole lot coming here to the the Salento area, mostly because we had not really done any research and therefore had no real expectations. As a result the richness of beauty that we have uncovered and its unexpected nature has been a wonderful discovery.

The life cycle here is much as it has been for a long time. Things are closed from Noon until 3 or 4 PM. And I mean really closed. All the streets get quiet. The traffic dies down. It is a time to be home or otherwise taking your long midday break. As I mentioned yesterday, our first bit was exploring a number of the smaller towns that fill this area that is called Griko, that means Greek. We've learned that the Greek influence here is very strong and there are still areas where Griko is the predominate dialect.

We've also learned that this has been an area that has always been rich in agricultural wealth, primarily olive oil and wine. It produces something like 50% of all the olive oil in Italy. I wondered why most of the architecture seems to date from a much later era. I found out it was because for a long, long period it was at the crossroads to conflict, barbarians tearing down Roman civilization, then Byzantine influence conflicting with Islam and Turks and Normands for centuries on end. It was only when the Spanish took control at the end of the 17th century that a long, long period of three centuries allowed the natural wealth to flower in to civil stability and building.

Let's go to the pictures so I can give you a better feel for this place. Rather than go from town to town and site to site, I think I would rather combine the images into themes. As you move around these themes occur again and again so they begin to define the areas character.

It is not the Exterior, it is the Interior

Do you remember the Duomo of Florence and Siena?

Really spectacular buildings that spoke to one of the wealth and power of those that built them.

Looking at buildings here, both religious and secular, often the exterior hardly even catches your eye.

Here are some examples

Exterior

 Interior

Exterior

Interior

 Paintings - Light and Emotion

The paints we saw in the churches we visited covered the same time periods that we saw in Tuscany and Umbria - the Middle Ages through the Renaissance and slightly older.

There characteristic was completely different in terms of their color, the lightness of coloring and the depiction of emotion.

 This one was clearly much more modern But still seemed to fit thematically with the older pictures

I am so thankful that our photography and Uffizi guides opened my eyes to looking at the detail of pictures

I could feel the emotion on the faces of these soldiers

And look at this Madonna and Child

I have never seen a woman who is so clearly expressing being a mother and the baby Jesus represented as a real child...see him grabbing his Mother?

My love affair with Byzantine art continues

You saw the treasure trove in the previous pictures above

Here is the detail

Limestone/Limestone everywhere

Almost every structure here is made of a limestone that has this yellowish golden color to it

The old towns - which are everywhere - this area was spared much action in WWII have tons of small streets whose limestone buildings give them a very different characteristic than the granite buildings further north.

A collection of old town shots

Retail establishments can be almost innocuous

What is this?

Oh a bakery

And this, a produce shop

Architectural Details

Balconies, Messages, Decoration

We see these again and again and again

Images either announce who a person is who was the resident of a place or were allegories for virtues, or saints and historical figures representing characteristics or creatures to ward off evil

And to finish off our first day some miscellaneous shots

Modern Art

Pasta Salento Style

With sausage, tomatoes and hot pepper

With squid and shrimp - the squid was so tender

Like all the seafood pasta I've had in Italy, not terribly fishy flavored

A Palazzo in a painted style

Church ceiling decoration

An 'experience' 

We went to a castle. It was closed.

A man came up.

He asked if we were there to see the castle. He unlocked the door. He was the one man keeper. He took us on an hour tour of the castle, just Wife and I.

A church at sunset