Stages of The Typical de-I Hike

Stage One - Wake-up very, very early to beat heat, cursing that you are up this early

Stage Two - Do yoga to stretch out.  Feel much more 'up' for hiking.

Stage Three - Make coffee and consume same...very, very important...mood usually improves substantially here.

Stage Four - Make and consume a breakfast with plenty of calories to carry you through hike...important.  Simultaneously fill water bottles and get last minute things in pack.

Stage Five - Bodily eliminations...very, very important...nothing worse than being out in the middle of no where and need to...well you can figure out the rest.

Stage Six - Drive to trail head.  If rested and  done  carb loading the day before should be mentally ready to go.

Stage Seven - Start heading up the trail.  Operative word is 'up'.  There are no trails that 'gradually' get you climbing around here.

Stage Eight - Get cardiovascular system into gear.  When  in shape this doesn't take too long.  When  not it takes up to 45 minutes to an hour.  Cardiovascular system not into gear = pain.

Stage Nine - Heart and lungs working to expectations and into the hike.

Stage Ten - Realize that (yet again) you've set out a trail that requires lots of work to get up.

Stage Eleven - Try to remember just how #%!*&@ high and long this freakin' trail is.

Stage Twelve - Reach goal point of spectacular beauty such as:

 (note addition of new young female de-I Sandia Outfitter guide.  We find these attract those out-of-shape wealthy middle age male clients much better)

Stage Thirteen - Rest, enjoy view, eat nourishing snack.  de-I Sandial Outfitters finds PBJ is the greatest for recharging the energy.

Stage Fourteen - Start down feeling refreshed with feeling of accomplishment

Stage Fifteen - Realize that going down is work too

Stage Sixteen - Realize that you have a long way left to go

Stage Seventeen - Realize you are in a lot of pain

Stage Eighteen - Realize it is a helluva a lot hotter as you get lower than it was when you started

Stage Nineteen - Wonder if this is what it felt like on the Bataan Death March

Stage Twenty - Finally get back to car, through things in, drive home trying to stay alert

Stage Twenty One - Fall out of car, put things away, take boots off, have lunch with Wife.

Stage Twenty Two - Get ice packs (de-I uses six) and ice various parts of legs, back, and neck for 30 minutes while hydrating.  Wild Bill taught us this and it really helps from being too stiff in the days that follow.  Pain killers have probably been consumed here.

Stage Twenty Three - Take shower - Ahhhhhhhhh

Stage Twenty Four - Take nap.  Depending on the hike this can be short or really long.

Stage Twenty Five - Get up from nap realizing you hurt, are terribly thirsty, and incredibly groggy.

Stage Twenty Six - Get some kind of hot caffeinated beverage like coffee or tea and get in front of computer and most likely do something work like.

Stage Twenty Seven - After about an hour look over at Wife who is looking at you like you're slightly nuts for doing the happy financial modeling dance to Hayden on your headphones and realize the post-hike endorphin rush has hit :)

Stage Twenty Eight - Start planning another equally challenging hike for next weekend.