Thoughts on Transition

There was a time not too long ago when I would have said I can't imagine life without work.  Then the year long dealing with Dad's death brought on a weariness that (when it ended) led me to think, "I wish I could just stop now!"  That was followed by deeper reflection on just what the heck I do want to do do with my life.  This has actually been the major theme of thought over the last three months but for some reason I didn't feel like blogging about it.

What is all really very humorous about his is this is what I help people with for a living!  I'm the one who is the transition specialist.  I sell services to business owners about how to best create the outcome they want whether by selling or turning their business over to someone inside.  Boy, what a different story it is when it's you instead of someone else.  It does give me a whole lot more empathy for my clients and just how hard it is to really do any of this stuff.

The big boogie man of course is fear of change.  That is (for many of us) a combination of fear of the end, fear of doing things differently, and fear of loss of identity.  But as I've had lots of major changes (both intended and unintended) over my life, I'm reasonably well at handling those.  What has been a bigger challenge has been identifying what the heck it is that is important to me, what is it I want to do, what is it that I don't want to do, and how do I reconcile when things I want or don't want conflict with each other.

Hopefully, over the next few weeks I will continue in this spirit of open mindedness and explain more

Or maybe I'll just do another hiking post.

Hiking Report

You may have noted a distinct lack of hiking posts over the last few months.  This hasn't been because I've been hiking any less.  But rather because I pretty much have been hiking over the same trails that I've been doing since I started the blog.  I mean how many posts of the same 10 trails can one make?  I still am going out every weekend for 5 to 6 miles up the mountain.  Once in while I do one of the longer hikes but I haven't been focused on the more 'epic' hikes namely because I don't have anyone to go with.  My main partner for 'epic hiking', Wild Bill, is big into his search and rescue activities which usually on the weekend.  But with some schedule changes I have in mind in a month or so, I'm hoping to be treading new ground.

RAIN!

This might not be news to you all who are getting inundated with late spring snow, but for we who live in the state with the worse drought situation in the country the downpour that is currently taking place is an incredible blessing.

Mom - Unlocking the Door

I wrote back in January about all my feelings with the passing of my Father and the feelings of mourning for what I didn't have more than for what I had lost.  One of the things that has particularly bugged me is the understanding of how my Dad's jealous attachment to my Mom kept me from having a deeper relationship with her.

This has been a lot on my mind over the last couple of months.  I have really reached a good place and reconciliation with the good and the bad associated with my Father relationship.  But it has bugged me that I have had this empty, no feelings at all about my Mom.  True it was 8 years ago that she passed but really, I was closer to her all my life.  So why this nothing inside?

I've blamed it mostly on the fact that Dad totally kept us at arms length throughout the two year period that Mom went through her cancer.  So I never had a chance to have those really hard and powerful discussions and experiences that I did with my Dad.  It was an important part of the closure process that never took place.

Then this week two events happened that have changed things.

First my daughter #3 in Amsterdam wrote a lovely post on her blog where she was reminiscing about her memories of her Grandma (my Mom).  Reading that brought back a flood of experience memories.  Then today we got the shipment of goods from my Dad's house that we had picked out.  In that shipment were some, not so valuable, but very meaningful objects.

A set of heavy glass mixing bowls.  I loved these.  Mom had these for as long as I can remember.  And when I made my commitment to come often after we moved to Albuquerque, we would often use these for our cooking together.  That big one on the bottom was great for mixing pasta with sauce.  And the second largest one was always filled with mashed potatoes when we were making the Thanksgiving dinner.

With these two things a whole lot has been coming back.  And a lot of pain associated with not properly having put them to rest.  But that is a good thing.

Vive La France!!!!!

I was all over it today...sharing the joyous news with my fellow sports fans.  And I'm sure you were too totally engrossed by this weekends big sporting result of two French club teams winning their way into the finals of the Heineken Cup, the European club championship of professional rugby. Clearmont Auvergne and Toulon beat their Irish and English rivals respectively in two nail bitters.  This is the first time either team has made it to the finals.  So it is guaranteed that the cup winner will be a new one and French.

What you say, you had no idea this weekend was the semi-finals of Europe's premier rugby competition?

What! you didn't even know there was professional rugby?

What! you don't even know what rugby is?

Oh my God, I cannot believe that this could be true.  Why here in Albuquerque, there is at least one other person who has a clue about rugby (well he's from New Zealand actually).

Nonetheless, on May 17th, I will be holding a no holds barred, totally over the top Heineken Cup Final party...even if it is only for me.

All Hail The Cuddler In Chief!

Well that might be a bit of an exaggeration.  I suspect she is really actually a newly minted C-2 (for you military types).  Probably not even a a cuddler first class.  But I am proud as all get out of her.

I speak of Wife's acceptance as a baby cuddler at the University of New Mexico Children's Hospital.  Baby Cuddlers do exactly what the title says.  There job is go around and give all those poor infants who have to stay in the hospital a good cuddle when there parents can't be there.  If you think about the long-term care issues associated with premature birth and other infant issues, parents who have to work and take care of other children can't be there all the time.  And if the parents aren't there, who is to give them any love and attention?  The medical staff has jobs to do.  So they have this volunteer position of baby cuddler.

Wife had been looking for a long time for something to volunteer at that felt right to her.  Wife and babies have this thing as you can ask my kids when she's visited them right after a new birth.  UNMH did not make this process easy.  You had to go through various interviews, orientations, training, and background checks.  It took her around 4 months to get certified.

But she starts on Thursday...has her official uniform of khaki pants and a UNMH volunteer shirt (evidently only available in men's small and large)...her security badge allowing her to go all over the hospital (anyone need anything?).

I'm very proud of her.

Putting Them To Work For A Good Cause

It was Wife's birthday last week.  I find birthday cards to be pretty maudlin so I've taken to writing free verse instead on birthdays, Valentines, Mother's Day, etc.  I don't think I'm the greatest writer but Wife seems to really appreciate them.

I was cooking as usual.  I wanted there to be more than us so I invited Agent W and Gaius Derf to join us.  Since I know Agent W gets upset if she can't help, I decided to preempt the problem by actually putting both of them to work!  I had Derf manning the veg prep area and put Agent W to work picking crab meat.

I prepared some roasted asparagus with aioli, a crab pasta with the a sauce from crab shells and home made pasta and an almond dessert souffle.   I was going to have Wife just take it easy but she responded to that idea with, "so you mean I'm being ostracized?"  So I put her to work too!

It was fun.  We were all working.  We had an assembly line going making the pasta with Derf working the machine, me pulling the dough, while Agent W and Wife were laying out the rolled out and cut up pasta.  We were drinking wine through out and we had a good time.  I really love making these dessert souffles.  They are so warm, smooth, and yummy.

Only one picture - Gaius Derf with the Happy Plate of Asparagus and Aioli