Since I got back from the trip I have been filled with positive thoughts about the upcoming donation and sure of the rightness of the decision and its outcome. But every once and a while as I will relate in the story, I get an attack of the dark fears.
Yesterday was one. I was allegedly going to make sure Mrs. de-I was totally OK and had verbalized any fears to me but ended up just hitting the play button of my own inner loop of anxieties. The biggest tend to be financial and not following through. I sent off a mass email to our business contacts to inform them of my being out of touch for a period. I also did my May billing which will be very low because I've ramped back my activities.
So the fears go something like this:
They will cancel the procedure - what to do I say to everyone
My whole business is going to collapse and I'm going to be destitute
I've got everything planned out - what if it gets delayed
etc, etc.
No problem - my confidence and faith are solid - dealing with these are just part of the process.
5 comments:
Being rational about your dark fears doesn't make them any more fun to go through I'll bet. i can't wait until I can give you a big hug in person.
I'm not going to hug you today, or tomorrow and most likely not in June. Not because I don't like you or you don't need it, but mostly because of hygiene. :-)
Hopefully it's cathartic to write about the dark thoughts. I wonder if they are tied into the commitment to the procedure? They say the most stressful time for a new parachute jumper is when they have to board the plane. Until then, it's not real. Once you're on the plane, you've committed to jumping. In these last two weeks, maybe you're walking out on the tarmac.
I have no words of wisdom; I can't imagine what it's like doing this. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Those what if's are there with anything you do. You are doing a wonderful thing.
(sigh)
Tim
oh dad, we love you!!! :)
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