Thursday, June 11, 2009

Sacrelige...and Revenge

You will remember the miraculous events of last weekend when an errant wine drop spilled to form the shape of a heart...the beating heart...a holy symbol to those of us who are ardent born again Aztecs.
We had of course turned this area into a shrine in honor of Huitzilopochtli and Quetzalcoatl .

You can imagine my shock, my dismay, my horror when I came back from business meetings to find the site desecrated, obliterated from the face of the earth.

This was of course intolerable. Vengeance would have to be wreaked. There is only one way to do this in the Aztec faith. And that is to go to war and obtain captives for sacrifice.

And if one is going to do a proper Aztec sacrifice one has to have a proper temple. Now I'm sure you can imagine that there is a fair amount of intolerance here to Aztec practices. It's not like you can just drag people up in a public place, extract their hearts and throw there bodies down the steps and not have your neighbors poo pooing what you're doing and complaining to the authorities about the public litter from the bodies, or that you're endangering various birds to create your ritual dress.

So to avoid unnecessary complications, we have a sort of dual purpose pyramid/alter in our back yard.
Our Family Pyramid

Old Outdoor Table Converted into Sacrificial Alter
Please don't pass this post on to any of our neighbors as we wouldn't want to get anybody's guard up just yet.

9 comments:

terri said...

What kind of neighbors would be opposed to the extraction of hearts in the name of religious sacrifice? Does this country not pride itself on a little thing called Freedom of Religion? What IS this world coming to?

I want pics of the sacrifice.

Mike said...

So who did you finally decide to sacrifice? I know Gaius Derf made a hasty exit the other night once talk of Aztec rituals began. Will we ever hear from him again?

WeaselMomma said...

Shouldn't you be building a volcano to dispose of the bodies?
If the neighbors complain, I am sure the ACLU has got your back.

stef said...

And you can burn the offering in your new grill!

de-I said...

I don't know Terri, it's a sad thing.

Mike - We are still on the hunt. Doing anything this weekend?

WM - That's brilliant! Of course they would defend us!

Stef - I like that. Very efficient.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I'm not your neighbor!! :)

You could always get a mannequin or 'fake body' to do a 'test sacrifice' and see what kind of results you get from you neighbors...

Lakeview Coffee Joe said...

Soooo, as long as you clean up the body and don't use real feathers in your headdress, the neighbors are going to be fine with sacrifices? Wow, that's one bad-ass neighborhood you live in.

de-I said...

Jules - with your athleticism and now proven prowess against spiders we would make you one of our warriors.

Joe - I didn't say that was the only things they would object to. I just used those as examples.

Bernice said...

Yesterday I heard a speaker from the Choctaw tribe. I think I will follow his teachings instead of the Aztec. They were known as one of the "Five Civilized Tribes". His book is called A Walk in the Woods. Fits my life style. But enjoy yours.