Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Anachronism, C'est Moi

As one slips down the slippery slope of deterioration and decrepitation known as the aging process, one is constantly subjected to a barrage of life’s insults telling you that your niche in the ecological hierarchy is coveted by a throng behind you. The songs you loved, your generation’s statement, are now the theme songs for a myriad of product advertising. Most of the cereals you ate as a kid – gone. Whatever happened to the toothpaste I liked? All I can find now are a selection of multi-colored variations of ‘cool’, ‘fresh’, and ‘cinnamon’.

When I arrived in Atlanta and got my rental car, I was exposed to yet another example of why my bones are probably being scoped out for fossilization as we speak. I’ve been upgrading my rentals recently because I got tired of the three gerbil powered engines in the smaller cars. For only a few dollars more a day, I can get a car that actually responds when you step on the accelerator. Also once again my long-time rental car company, Hertz, seems to be upgrading me because when I went to my spot there was a nice new Infinity G something. (I really wasn’t paying attention but my host in Atlanta was impressed.)

Not be used to this kind of fancy schmancy vehicle, I get in the car and immediately take not that none of the controls make any sense to me. In particular the key is on the left of the steering wheel. And when I turn it, it doesn’t turn. Hmmmm. Wouldn’t be as bad except it is 95 degrees. I look around and after about five minutes finally locate a button to the right of the steering wheel. It says A/C – Start. That seems like it might work. I press said button. The A/C light goes on. I press again. The Start light goes on. The car doesn’t start. I press again. Everything goes off. Hmmmmmm.

I start the process again…and again…and again. I’m getting a tad frustrated. No I’m getting totally pissed. It’s hot. I’m in dress cloths sweating like Gatorade commercial (without the colored sweat). I’m getting very tempted to ask someone for help (which would be sooooo embarrassing). Finally by total accident, I put my foot on the brake pedal when I am going through the pressing rotation again and voila, success. Engine on.

I won’t go into the 30 minutes it took me to figure out the air conditioning or the continuing mystery of the information system. After all I’m turning it in on Tuesday and how much does a Triceratops really need to know?

7 comments:

Lakeview Coffee Joe said...

Now that's some funny shit right there.

alexis said...

heheh. oh dad, this is just to make you appreciate your gas-guzzling beheamouth when you get home.

Anonymous said...

Poor, old, Uncle de-I.

stef said...

when we first got our car. I was stuck at a furniture store parking lot for over an hour in the sweltering heat w/baby yelena because i couldn't figure out how to get the car to start back up. I guess I am old too!

Plus "Blister in the Sun" is now in a Wendys commercial. So I guess it's happening earlier and earlier these days...;)

Unknown said...

Ya learn something new every day, right???

Agent W

alexis said...

oh yeah, and I also can't find any toothpaste I like here. Maybe you just brought us up liking weird-tasting toothpastes that didn't sell well?

Anonymous said...

What kind of paste were you exactly using??