Wife's been after me to post on my further revelations concerning my memories or lack of memories related to my Mother that I posted on back in May.
At that time I wrote about how certain feelings had finally come back to me. That was good. But there was still this resentment unhappiness about how Dad had held us at bay during her passing. That led to my thinking more about the relationship she had with us (Wife and I) over the years. I remember my talking about how Dad had one unconditional love and that was for Mom - no room for kids. And then it came to me, why things were the way they were.
Mom's great unconditional love was from Dad. She wasn't as fanatical about it as he was but there was no doubt that once he lost his eyesight, there was no way she was ever going to go away from him...even though he was still going overseas for business trips! I realized that when it was her time to pass, she made that decision with him or at least did not object to it.
I can't say that this made me any happier about how things transpired but it did make me understand this was just the way they were. I guess I can say I still mourn for what never was.
1 comment:
I often think about my parents as they related to me and my siblings during childhood and how they've continued to relate as we've grown older. As kids, I think many of us had an ideal image of what a parent/child relationship should be and when that image didn't prove to be true, we assumed it was somehow our own fault... maybe not realizing until much, much later in life that we had no control over it whatsoever.
I can relate to your feelings to some degree. I'm actually relieved to know that someone else still wonders and struggles with the dynamics of family relationships. Your realizations stem from the passing of your parents. Mine seem to be fueled by this continuous degree of dysfunction within my extended family.
You can't change what was, but I hope that your newfound understanding helps bring about some level peace.
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