Sunday, April 20, 2014

Transition Continues...And Even Achieves Clarity

It has been six months since I last wrote about my transition process.  A lot has happened.

The most important was an epic battle with my small feat I might add. 

The transitioning of my work life that I described in October still left me with a lot of dissatisfaction.  Accomplishment has been a driving force for me from my earliest days.  I don't know if it was because of upbringing or how I'm wired but trying to prove that I could do certain things has been central to my life.  But as I was going through this transitioning process, I was finding that working in those areas (trying to leave something behind, legacy, continuing my business entity after me) were all the things that were really not working and further more were causing me lots of frustration.  I found that if I was not pushing certain things that I was soon not being noticed...not an uncommon situation in our culture as we age.

This was my frame of mind when we went to Asia in December.  When we arrived in Manila, my daughter and son-in-law were in the process of ending their tour their.  There were lots of going away parties for them.  We had the choice of hanging around the house or going and chose the later.  You learn quickly that among the 30, 40, 50 professional somethings of the world, that as a 60 to 70 year old your experiences really are of no interest.  You might as well be invisible.

During that week something broke inside.  There was a realization that this ego thing I'd been chasing all my life was just fool's gold.  It was a bitter realization.  I've spent some 30+ years in spiritual work to lessen the hold of the ego and I could see my success had been little to none. 

We traveled to Cambodia and Singapore and visited numerous Buddhist temples.  In each the feeling grew culminating at the great temple in Singapore.  My ego had to go.  And knowing how powerful it was I had to kill it, burn it, and send it to the winds.

A postscript - When we got back to the US I was watching a History Channel show about the great industrialists of the 19th century; John Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, J.P. Morgan.  It told all the fabulous things this very few people had accomplished.  And I thought, "If I wandered the streets today and asked educated people what they knew of these people what would they be able to tell me."  The answer would be very little if anything.  So if these greats are hardly remembered, why should I have any illusion about legacy.  All that is important is what you do...your now.


alexis said...

I admit your very conscious discussion of legacy as a goal always struck me as something very odd, and definitely at odds with your yoga. But if it was what you wanted and seemed so conscious of it, I never really challenged it. Anyways, I am super glad you've let it go. Nothing lasts forever, no one is remembered forever. Anyways, you'll be dead so how would you plan to enjoy the notoriety anyways?

Dad said...

How would you enjoy the notoriety? Why you have your brain transplanted into an immortal android body of course. Bwahahahahahaha

Oops, I mean never mind that Ommmmmm

terri said...

Letting go of one's ego is not something I've ever contemplated. As much as any of us might insist we're not driven by ego, it seems necessary to compete and survive in this world.

Still, some (probably few) have come to the same understanding as you. "All that is important is what you do...your now."

I just stumbled across a famous Mother Teresa quote this morning, part of which says, "Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway."

Seems like you're coming to the same conclusion. Maybe I should start working on such acceptance now. Maybe it will start to sink in by the time I'm in a stage of transition.