Sunday, March 2, 2014

Ambush in Chicago - Another de-I/Magical Unicorn Pony God of Travel Thriller

In the foothills of Mount Olympus is the not so renowned Mount Olympless, where all those not quite ready for prime time sub-deities like Morfag - God of Southern California Traffic, and Quexcatotyl - God of Heat in Ethnic Food Dishes live, carrying out their duties and hoping that some major god like Apollo, or Hera, or Thor or Vishnu or somebody will screw up and they can move up the deity ladder of promotion

And her simmering in her own stew of self-made spite sits Magical Unicorn Pony God of Travel (MUPGT the Great in her own mind) watches her display screen of travel.  Plotting revenge.  Revenge and the traveler who has consistently been thumbing his nose at her.  The cursed de-I!

This past week I was in Denver for business on Wednesday and Thursday.  Then on Thursday I flew to Washington from Denver to spend a couple of days in Pulandia with Venerable Daughter #2 and the newest heir, 2.4 not to mention spend time with the rest of the clan.  All has gone well.  I even got upgraded on my Denver to DC flight to a business class, lay flat seat, with a meal...sweet.  I had a lovely time just hanging around, doing my turns with little 2.4 (more on that in another post) and just catching up.  So Sunday morning I headed home on a flight that had a change of planes in Chicago.

MUPGT, The Great Only in Her Head, watches as de-I heads to Reagan National to catch his plane.  Hmmmm she thinks, I have heretofore been going at this dratted mortal head on - mano a equine deitieo - with notable lack of success.  It is time to use a more subtle approach...lull him into a sense of false security...and then SPRING THE TRAP!  Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha.

The flight to Chicago is no problem.  I once again am bringing warmth and good weather.  It was below freezing in DC when I arrived but went to the upper 40's the day after.  There is a huge storm coming in on Monday.  But it is going south of Chicago so will not affect the flights there.  No problems.

Oh yes, de-I.  That's right.  There's nothing to worry about.  Bwahahahahahahahaha

We actually land at O'Hara early.  Sweet.  I have a pretty tight connection so I can use the extra time to refill my water bottle and get a snack for the 3 hour flight to Albuquerque.  I'm reading my book as we taxi in when the Captain announces, "We're early but the gate isn't open yet so we will sit here for 8 minutes or so."

Mmpff, chuckle, mmpff

8 minutes becomes 10 minutes becomes 15 minutes.  My window of time is getting less and less.  20 minutes.  30 minutes.  The Captain.  "I don't know why we haven't been given a gate yet?"  I am having a horrible feeling.  This feels like the work of....MAGICAL UNICORN PONY GOD OF TRAVEL!

Yes, YES, YES! Bwahahahahahahahahaha.  You will be stuck in Chicago just like I got your lovely Wife just weeks ago puny mortal!

We finally get into the gate and I have less than 15 minutes to get to my plane before the doors close.

Oh and did I tell you de-I that I thought I would give you this little bit of hope but will squash by having you arrive in gate C24 and have to get to gate F11C as far as is possible to go in the United terminal?   Bwahahahahahahahahaha

I get out of the plane.  I already knew the gate distance by checking on my phone before we got to the gate.  I knew the challenge.  I dash down the terminal.  I avoid the escalator down to the walk tunnel between C and B terminals and run down the steps.  The moving sidewalks are clear and I can move quickly.  The escalator up is clear so I can bound up it.  MUPGT has forgotten to factor in one thing.  I am in shape!  I am moving.  I get to the F terminal.  It can be packed but isn't and I can keep my pace to its far end.  I am still minutes later than the close doors time.  I bound down the escalator to the gate.  It's still open. 

NOOOOOOO.  He can't have made it!  How could he!

Not only do I make it but I am given the last First Class Upgrade.  As we take off - on time - I toast the Magical Unicorn Pony God of Travel with my Gin and Tonic while taking a bite of my imported from Jordan, no preservative hummus (really).  Better luck next time old chap.




Renee Michelle Goertzen said...

That was, indeed, a travel thriller! You have triumphed again.

alexis said...

good lord dad, why don't you just plan a little more time between flights??

Lakeview Coffee Joe said...

Nicely done! Glad our awful weather didn't trap you!

Mike said...

Wow! I'm exhausted just reading that. Way to outmaneuver the MUPGOT!