I coached football...I mean soccer...even though it is called football in all the rest of the world but the US...for 20 years. I think I have a pretty good appreciation for what the 'beautiful game' can be. But I have never been a fan of the World Cup (or for that matter any of the tournaments featuring nations' National Teams).
The reason is simply that the quality of the soccer sucks. There are all kinds of reasons for this and they've been around for decades but are blithely ignored by some kind of mass delusion among the football faithful around the glove. First, all the players make their money playing professional soccer for nine months out of the year. These tournaments all come when the top players and even middling players are exhausted from their long, long seasons. Second, they are played in summer when it is freaking hot. The combination of these two tend to drag the speed of play down to a crawl. Combine this with a third factor, most teams play to not lose. They pack their defenses back, try desperately to not give up a goal, are perfectly happy to take their chances with penalty kicks. This leads to some incredibly dull action.
I managed to avoid the entire opening round and just read about things in the paper. But my buddy, The Count, who is a big football fan, goaded me into joining the event. This has led to my actually watching some games (sadly given their quality) and of course missing the few games because of schedule that were pretty good. Because the Count and I tend to text back and forth during these encounters, it also has led to a happy revival of my innate cynicism. Here is a sample dialog:
de-I
Russia vs Spain - ah now we are at the real World Cup - 90 minutes (including the overtime) of no attempt to score whatsoever to get to penalty kicks. Can’t wait for more excitement like this
The Count
Yes, that was a boring match.
de-I
I love the between game commentators “Could the incredibly heavy schedules of these stars affect their play?” Really you think? This why I am not a World Cup fan. The game played at its most exhausted
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de-I
Let’s take a deep breath and hope game two (Denmark vs Croatia) does not put us to sleep
The Count
Lol
I really like Croatia
Tough team
de-I
Onwards Catholics against the Protestant for glory in the World Cup
The Count
What a start (two goals were scored in the first 4 minutes - the only goals of the match!)
de-I
Now time for the two of them to pack it in for the rest of the match!!!
The Count
LOL
de-I
I am very disappointed in Denmark...actually trying to possess the ball and attack. What are they thinking?
The Count
You are on a roll today
de-I
I should have stuck to just reading about it in the paper
Donated blood yesterday and too tired to do productive work
The Count
LOL
I am much happier you are watching now
This cynicism makes it incredible
de-I
This unseemly actual playing of the game is not giving me much to be cynical about
It has been very difficult to nap with all this attacking taking place
The Count
LOL
de-I
I’m counting on Denmark packing it in in the second half so I can rest (which they did!)
So as we come to the quarter finals,
Let's see what’s on our sumptuous buffet
I’d say two games that have promise and two that one would hope they would just cancel
Croatia vs Russia - Well Russia is just going to pack it in so can we cancel the game, promise we’ll watch 15 minutes of commercials and go right to the shoot out?
England vs Sweden - Hard to imagine much excitement here. They will sort of attack but look tired doing so and most passes will miss. So I recommend the organizers limit us to one half of action, we promise 10 minutes of commercials and then go to PK’s
Uruguay vs France - Hmmm this actually might be something worth watching as long as the Uruguayans don’t revert to their pre-Tabarez thug mentality
Brazil vs Belgium - dare we hope for what these two teams can bring us? I hope so.
4 comments:
Absolutely love it!
I like the World Cup, but I watch exactly 0% of the games. This is how I treat all sports. I am an equal opportunity sports-ignorer.
That's why newspapers have sports sections. It's the most time effective way of following sports.
I can't believe you missed out the edge-of-the-seat excitement of the Belgium-England game. I thought for a moment I might be able to give a go on the pitch, the action was so low-key.
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