The event of watching my Father's death process has led to quite a bit of introspection and discussion on the part of Wife and I.
First, there is this visceral understanding that you are watching your own future. We are in our middle sixties so our ultimate end is far closer than anything else in our lives. That leads to all kinds of thoughts about what we really want to be doing, what is really important to us, how do we make the best use of the time that is left to us, and how do we not take what we have for granted.
Then there are the ruminations about how we are going to meet the end when it happens. We both would like to think that we would not just drag it out and hang on and on. My Dad said he wanted to go but evidently whether by constitution or mental make up couldn't let go. This was in stark contrast to my Grandfather who at around the same age as my Father, just went to his room in my parents house, sat in his chair, dosed off, and never woke up.
You'd like to think that you know yourself but how will you really react when you get there?
2 comments:
I tend not to think much about my own end. Losing certainty about what I truly believe makes me want to bury my head in the sand about what's waiting at the end of this life.
I suppose we all like to think it will just happen quickly and quietly. We probably all assume it's going to happen after a long and fulfilling life where we've had opportunity to do all the things we want to do before we go.
I guess I have some work to do before I'm ready to be at peace with leaving this life.
sometimes I wish natural, old-age death were more an accepted part of our culture. It would make the end less scary. The thing about endings is that you can't have them unless you've had an awesome time in the interim.
Post a Comment