I've documented at length under the 'Transition' label the multi year process of accepting the change of life that occurs going from the years of work to the years of retirement. In particular I've talked a lot about dealing with my fighting the Dragon of ego to get to a place where I can have a meaningful new reality. In the last week or so I've had a couple of very significant realizations.
During this process, I focused on my ego attachments to the business that I've build and the work that I've done since the mid-1990's because that was most pertinent to my ego issues during this transition. But a train of thought came to me during the course of weeks worth of meditation and contemplation that went like this.
- The ego attachment that I had identified really took the shape of a 'needing to show somebody something'. Kind of like the words, "Well they really don't appreciate how good I am, so I have to show them."
- Then I realized that this feeling of 'needing to prove something to somebody' was not restricted to just this business that I built, but manifested all through my career.
- Then I realized that this feeling had manifested itself all through my life! In fact, I can identify this feeling going back to my earliest memories.
This isn't just some attachment to his business edifice. It has been a key part of the fabric of my being. And who are these others that I have felt my whole life that I needed to prove something too? Clearly it hasn't been the individuals or organizations that I set up because it made no difference what I did or in what arena I did it or when I did it, I'd find someone, something, some group that I had to prove something too.
The path that I follow, we are encouraged to seek out the attachments that keep us separated from the unity that truly is the reality...to see through the illusions of life. If this isn't a core attachment and illusion, I don't know what is.
I haven't decided quite what I'm supposed to do with this revelation but I certainly have felt a lot lighter since it took place.